I just finished having a terribly depressing conversation with Anonymous Son. He asked his mom and I about what it was like when he was born. She described the trip to the hospital, and the first time she saw his face. And I told him how much I wanted to be there, but I was a young associate then, and needed to be at a client site, closing a deal. I can't believe how important an issue it seemed back then -- "I can't let the client down; I can't make the partners think that work is not number one; I can't show any weakness; I must prove I'll give 100% to the firm." I remember trying to figure a way out, knowing she'd be going into labor any day but knowing the firm was counting on me. But I remember not trying as hard as I should have. Knowing I should have wanted to be at the hospital, but not feeling as conflicted as I absolutely ought have. I took it at face value that this is what lawyers do, this is what we have to do to succeed, these are the sacrifices we have to make. And maybe they are. Maybe if I had told the partner I was working for that I couldn't be there, that my family was more important, maybe I wouldn't be where I am today. Although where am I today? I don't know. Vacations bring out the feelings that don't have time to come out when you work 14-hour days. They're fun that way.
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