Okay, my endless conference call has begun. The lawyer leading the call is walking everyone through his markup of a 200-page document. Which he sent to us earlier. So it's on my desk. Yet he's going to mention every comma he has a problem with, and why. So this will be tedious. Hence, your questions. Do keep in mind this is for entertainment purposes only. This is not advice.
Q. What is the GPA range needed to be seriously considered by a big firm?
A. This answer isn't going to satisfy you. Depends on your school. Better school = more tolerant of a lower GPA. Lesser school = you'd better be kicking ass. Best case scenario = great school, great grades. I know this isn't helping anyone, but it's the best I can do given the lack of details in the question.
Q. How many work hours does a new associate work to meet their billable hours? It seems that so much of what first years do is non-productive. How does that work?
A. If you're not billing enough hours, either (a) you're not trying hard enough to find work, (b) no one wants to work with you, or (c) it's a fluke, and we're aware, and no one's going to hold it against you. If you're having legitimate trouble, so is everyone else. If they aren't and you are, it's something you're doing wrong. If you tell me about too many movies you've gone to see, I'm going to find you and give you more work. Same thing if you tell me about the books you've been reading, the time you've been spending at the gym, or the long weekend you're planning. Sorry.
Q. When's the last time you and anonymous wife expressed your love physically?
A. She's under my desk right now. Oh, wait, that's not her.
Q. My sister is getting remarried.... My supervising partner has an oral argument[] for an important appellate case scheduled on the same day.... [W]hat excuse can I use to duck both the wedding and the hearing to go golfing?
A. Don't be stupid. If your sister's already on her second wedding, there'll be more.
Q. [H]ow often is it that you come across a student who has a unique undergraduate degree ... (eg: physics, maths, engineering)? Do you find additional value in these types of applicants?
A. I come across them a lot. Just not in my firm. It's all in how you tell the story. If you can convince me that your background will make you a better lawyer, then it's a plus. If I think you're just making up a story, it's not a plus. It's all in how you spin it.
Q. Do you hire students from top schools with average grades that didn't join journals?
A. Why didn't you join a journal? Read your question. Would you hire you? No one at a top school who isn't basically failing would ever describe his grades as "average."
Q. Do you have to play golf to make it in this crazy world? If so, do you have to play it well? If so, how?
A. People like to win. As long as you're not an embarrassment, you'll be fine. Take a couple of lessons. Buy some shiny clubs. This should not be a concern.
Q. What was your law school experience like?
A. Better than my law firm experience. Sorry to break it to you, but it's all downhill after graduation day.
Q. What is the GPA range needed to be seriously considered by a big firm?
A. This answer isn't going to satisfy you. Depends on your school. Better school = more tolerant of a lower GPA. Lesser school = you'd better be kicking ass. Best case scenario = great school, great grades. I know this isn't helping anyone, but it's the best I can do given the lack of details in the question.
Q. How many work hours does a new associate work to meet their billable hours? It seems that so much of what first years do is non-productive. How does that work?
A. If you're not billing enough hours, either (a) you're not trying hard enough to find work, (b) no one wants to work with you, or (c) it's a fluke, and we're aware, and no one's going to hold it against you. If you're having legitimate trouble, so is everyone else. If they aren't and you are, it's something you're doing wrong. If you tell me about too many movies you've gone to see, I'm going to find you and give you more work. Same thing if you tell me about the books you've been reading, the time you've been spending at the gym, or the long weekend you're planning. Sorry.
Q. When's the last time you and anonymous wife expressed your love physically?
A. She's under my desk right now. Oh, wait, that's not her.
Q. My sister is getting remarried.... My supervising partner has an oral argument[] for an important appellate case scheduled on the same day.... [W]hat excuse can I use to duck both the wedding and the hearing to go golfing?
A. Don't be stupid. If your sister's already on her second wedding, there'll be more.
Q. [H]ow often is it that you come across a student who has a unique undergraduate degree ... (eg: physics, maths, engineering)? Do you find additional value in these types of applicants?
A. I come across them a lot. Just not in my firm. It's all in how you tell the story. If you can convince me that your background will make you a better lawyer, then it's a plus. If I think you're just making up a story, it's not a plus. It's all in how you spin it.
Q. Do you hire students from top schools with average grades that didn't join journals?
A. Why didn't you join a journal? Read your question. Would you hire you? No one at a top school who isn't basically failing would ever describe his grades as "average."
Q. Do you have to play golf to make it in this crazy world? If so, do you have to play it well? If so, how?
A. People like to win. As long as you're not an embarrassment, you'll be fine. Take a couple of lessons. Buy some shiny clubs. This should not be a concern.
Q. What was your law school experience like?
A. Better than my law firm experience. Sorry to break it to you, but it's all downhill after graduation day.
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